Maar daala O-S(hy)ama (Part1)

“You promised yourself to not talk to anyone for 12 hours. But after 11 hours and 55 minutes you could not take it anymore, and ended up shouting out”. Here’s how and why!

Wednesday morning came as a surprise for me, just got up on the wrong side of bed and found one of the most irritating characters standing in front of me.

Shyam Vinayak (nicknamed Shyama) has been notoriously popular in the friend circle for his unruly and irritatingly foolhardy behavior. He carries a certain allure that makes even the most dignified and societal creatures to blurt out like maniacs!

Imagine yourself, waking up in the morning and finding yourself right into the perpetual set of “Bheja Fry”! I’ll tell u that’s just too scary!

Morning blues

“Hey Shyam, what are you doing at my place that too early morning??” I exclaimed, citing what’s going on! “ Arre kuch nae yaar main bus aise he kahin jaa raha tha aur tera ghar raste mein tha, to socha mil lun”! (I would have sued the Civil Engineer for this misplacement of my home!!)

“U’ll have tea or coffee” I said, getting back to the conversation! “Two Coffees, a cream bun and maybe some paranthas would do” he was almost fixative there!

“Now what’s with 2 cuppa coffe”, was my prompt reply! Dude Sudhir bhi aaya hai, he’s waiting out there! (Sudhir, an ad maker who cherished some strange satisfaction in making people suffer) Here he was in the living room, to fetch happiness out of my life!

Good morning Sudhir, how’ve you been? That’s a (un)pleasant surprise (hidden feelings) “ Nothing much was just thinking of a new Ad concept actually, so thought to catch up with you guys to discuss” – a pre-empted reply it was, and I could smell trouble trailing the day!

“That’s interesting” I said vehemently, what’s the concept all about? “Something distinct yet similar” he exclaimed grabbing a chair! I am working on a scenario wherein you have to take the challenge of keeping mum for just half-a-day in favor of a grand dinner at “The Taj”. (The deal was too sumptuous to resist)

Seems fun, but what’s the catch?? I was impromptu… Well it goes like: “You have to keep the silence going, with a person of my choice!! There was a strange shrewd crimp in his voice, which I didn’t figure out then. “That’s pretty easy!” I told myself, not sensing the danger!! “Alright buddy, let’s start with me, what say??” I was anticipating a positive reply!

Sudhir readily agreed and said “ok your time starts now, and there’s NO U-TURN here” a wicked grin made me nervous upfront. He then turned to Shyama and said “You’ll have to accompany him the whole day”!

Bwaha! I was trapped, should’ve sensed the danger, but it was too late to back off! The breakfast ended with a lot of whining around the distinctive taste buds. (And yes the characteristic talks of Mr. Shyama)

Star Wars

Then came some DVD’s (Needed something to survive a day with this mental Tsunami!) The bet started at 8 in the morning, and it was around 10 a.m that we starting watching movies. With star wars being the first one showcased, I was bombarded with some mind-boggling questions like, why’s this spaceship not rectangular! Don’t they feel suffocated in those attires?? Why are the stars themselves not fighting! Why are stars like what they are! What if moon and sun interrupt the STAR WARS, what eclipse it would be and blah blah! I somehow survived those two ODD hours…PHEW!!

Those infuriating gaffes made me feel like a “Fish without water”, but with an uncanny valor, i faced those blows like a defiant warrior!

It was 12 now and we thought to explore things on a driveway, and there we were… three of us in the pinching and effervescently shining sunlight! Junes make things worse for you, especially in Delhi, where the sun rays pierce through your skin, unbuttoning heap of sweat and frustration. For me things were a double whammy, with Mr. Sun and Mr. Shyama, equating a well-defined persecute.

Half past twelve (afternoon), we were waiting for bus no. 836. Satish was accompanying us with his treacherous Hawk Eye! “Thankfully AC buses fall in this route and at least heat would spare my day”, I told myself! But, then maybe it was bound to be a horrifying day…DTC Strike!!! Now what we could manage was a rickety, overcrowded minibus, and given a height of 6 feet it was BANG-BANG!!

The radio played an old pathetic hindi number “atariya pe lotan kabootar”, and this Mithun fan lived up to the spirit! Ambitious whistling around and high-pitched audio rehearsal with an blemished urge to dance! Blemished because, the “Pan Masalas” were doing their bit by occasional showers from the fellow passengers. Then, i don’t know why, the seat next to the driver was vacant, and our very own “Sample” got control of it.

And then, the driver went out of control!

Driver saab

He started gaining breath, and we (me and the driver) started losing temper! “How long have you been into this profession bhaiya! how much do you earn, for how long you can drive in a go?? Are you married?? what’s the maximum speed this bus can achieve??” For once, we almost brushed past an accident! I wanted to shout, but i couldn’t…

Sudhir was loving it, i could sense that from his expressions!

The next thing i remember was some very polite “Haryanvi abuses” stabbing the eardrums for 15 continuous minutes. For a moment, i thought i would witness “Street Fighter – part5“, but as i mentioned “a bad day“, Mr. torture wasn’t somehow in “Blue of health“!

It was around 2 when we reached CP, and then Lunch time! We went to a Chinese Restaurant, and then the menu with tongue twisting names was next on my Foe’s list. I was hungry and going bananas, but my dear friend was busy fiddling with the item names.

What happened next??? Well that would be coming soon in Maar daala O-S(hy)ama (Part2)

Stay tuned to this space, and do lemme know how’s my first ” SO CALLED STORY”!

Crazy ideas are also welcome!! 😉

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Engliss Mein Angrezi!!

Engliss mein Angrezi!

Yes the peoples, don’t startle your mind, this blog is about the human species which make engliss “a phunny language”!! 😀 Of late, I have seen many people taking this foreign repository to unimaginable heights. This blog post is dedicated to some of the most introspective and (Un)conceptual English blue poppers 😀

Read On!!

P.S: This blog is NOT a work of fiction, and is just for some good clean fun! No Offence Intended 🙂

Now that I am done with the “Statuary Warning” lets “HIC IT” 🙂


With some of my professional excursions, I have come across a variety of mind squandering formal way of communication that justifies your absence from “Office Swe(a)t Office” 😉 Yup that’s right, I am talking about leave applications 🙂

Here are some

  • “Since I have to go to my town to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.” – Really!
  • Another gem! Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding: “As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave.” – oops!!
  • “As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.” – Look how responsible you are 😀
  • Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: “Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave” – May the soul rest in piece 😀
  • “I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.” – PM calling!!
  • Covering note: “Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…” – a dirty referral! 😛
  • “My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave” – No Bigamy allowed sir! 🙂

Guess those were not enough! 😛 Here’s a candidate’s job application:

“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both (Insert a thunderclap here) for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

SMOKIN!! 😀 😉

Open and closed

A friend of mine who’s been taking some interviews of late, helped me compile these tongue babbling “masterpieces”

  • “I am 2 design 2 option for you and i am wait good reply to your side”
  • “I have 1 year of experience in out bound proses.”
  • “The design is with some circle design to to as logo is also little round” – what goes in comes a-round 😉
  • “I am very punctual in making time “ – Contact soon for the time machine!
  • “It was the talli sells marketing – Hic Hic!! 😛
  • “To link my self with a reputed intuition for being dependable candidate of it for my future and to prove my efficiency…” – Friend you’ve done that!

Some more

  • “It was an unexpected surprise when a pair of baby twins was born at 12 midnight”!! – a twin surprise indeed!
  • If you give me a chance, I can put my best effort to your entire organization. I hope you have a very favorably reply. – I can bet on that 😀
  • Joining after interview : soon as soon possible!! – WOW!! 🙂
  • Pls Revert Me as soon as Possible and Sorry for that mail the late project because We Have Some Critical problems. – Very Critical indeed 😀
  • So we wants to knowledge of rate of products, we are requested to please you send us details

These bungled gaffes are irrespective of your country, age, gender, and Blah Blah! With a common interface of “the urge to innovate and astonish” 😉

For the closing I would rather say that “All’s well that ends in a well” 😛 😀

Keep Smiling!! 🙂

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Ads that make No(N) Sense (Part-2)

It’s been a fantastic week so far, some good remunerations and one of my posts being the “Editor’s Choice” at BlogJunta Polls. SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS! 😀 Anyway moving forward, here’s another smoldering episode of “Ads that make No(N) Sense”! 🙂 While the last blog got some good response, let’s see if we can make things more interesting here.

What Nonsense??

We’ll start off with the “cola” advertisements where people hang to the cliff, jump buildings, perform acrobatics, run against the cars, and entourage swashbuckling stunts only to get a can of cold drink…. Phew “That wasn’t easy”!! 😮 Specially the ones with Akshaye Kumar and the competitor Sprite ads in “Cola War”, while poking fun at each other! Another advertisement i remember, where the dialogue was “ Don’t do yahan, do wahan jhadi ke piche” taking over mountain dew 😛 Crackling nuts! 😀

And here comes this MTR Idli masala ad that most of us might not have even seen, it takes you to the good old epic days with arrows of power dwindling across only to end up with a hilarious end. The warrior who was till now struggling with his tug of war, suddenly comes up with this Rava Idli arrow to bamboozle his opponent and his army for the lusty food 😛 Man, oh man u gotta watch this to believe!!

As my friend Lalit mentioned in the first part “Amul Lassi was just absence of creative team”. Well, it surely was! Absolutely no sync in the theme and the ad content! A couple in the park with lassi, and they start flying with the epitomes of a frozen heart. This feels more like the 90’s movies, white dress, stars flying and oh so love in the air! Despicably awesome!!

Another one to go down would be the Colgate active salt “kya apke toothpaste mein namak hai!” The scenario goes like this, a guy’s on his way in an airplane and he picks up something only to find that his teeth are not made of enamel (OMG!). Thus, the scene de riguers a reporter coming out of the clouds, concealingly notching up another “Breaking News” O My god “apke toothpaste mein namak nahi hai!” 🙂 🙂 (can i have some rat kills please!)

Total baseless squadron of “awfully creative” advertisements! There are definitely lot of them, but even humans have a boiling point you see! 😀 😛 Feeling sleepy (Yawn!), signing off!! ADIOS

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Ads that make No(N)Sense (part-1)

Now from where does that topic comes, well it was indeed a case of observatory tumor! (Tumor for the part of observation which can be interestingly proliferated) Anyways, I’ve not been writing for a while due to tight schedules (feels like corporate ain’t it!), but this topic was surely somewhere down the attic. Most of us are directly or indirectly familiarized with the device called “Idiot Box”, and I guess it is rightly named so!

From the good old “ Doordarshan” times, there have been various advertisements which are running along Junta’s favorite serials only for us to say “Yaar 5 min ka program or 15 min ki ad!!”. 🙂 Some advertisements are good enough to emboss us with “aahaa” moments, while the others leave us gasping for breath. 😀 The most recent and a contemporary stakeholder for the worst TV ads is the JK Cement ad, where a bikini clad lady emerges out from the sea. Now, how on the earth can you relate this advertisement to a Cement brand, total shambles!! 😮

The next worst thing could definitely be Aman verma’s toilet cleaning ads, man ‘o’ man I bet it makes your meals tough, by zooming in and out eeeks!! You’ve gotta have a strong heart to deal with those. Also competing close are the fairness cream ones in which the guy goes to girls hostel for stealing fairness cream with a background lullaby “Hi Handsome Hi Handsome”. This jingle is so irritating to the ears, and not to mention the dialogues “Shahrukh na sahi, handsome to koi bhi ban sakta hai” 😀 😀 LOL

Another one worth mentioning would be the Pan Masala ads, which are the self acclaimed pride of India. Now I am unsure of pride, but the red army have unusually creative streak in making some of the most bizarre modern art edifices on Indian streets. Their sheer understanding of color combination (yellow teeth, red walls, and pale bladders) has been an encouraging factor for the carcinogenic campaign. The other interesting Pan Masala advertisement is the one depicting the guy solving complicated mathematics problem with the help of “Beetel Intelligentsia”. I wish I knew this technique earlier, I would have surely been there at Oxford University 😛

Well for the rest of the part, I’ll have to gather more courage! 😀 Till then enjoy this, while I come up with another smoldering episode of “Ads that make no(N)Sense” 😛 :D, and yes please come up with some suggestions for the next part 🙂 Adios!!

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J.U.G.A.A.D – The Blessing in Disguise

No, it’s not the title of any Tollywood movie (e.g Indira-The Tiger) 😀 it’s rather the trepidation of lingering hopes that require a whisker to sail across the sea of abnormalities. Yes folks, we are talking about our very own “the great Indian Jugaad”. You won’t find the word in any thesaurus dictionary, nor will you find the super cerebellums behind this innovation!! It’s the inquisitive and “out-of-the-box” solution that finally makes the mare run when the money and the horse fails to do so (insert a thunder-clap here). Amidst the capability of fixing any potential bottlenecks with a submerged ease and grace, the Jugaad leaves you with a broader and unprecedented Colgate smile.

P.S – the smile may also pay you additional benefits through advertisements 😀

You are not able to fix your “just bought” gadget, and have a problem that leaves the quintessential “expert” into a mesmerizing puzzle and you in a deep melancholy strain. You feel isolated, jack-assed, and helpless. But don’t worry! (tadaneetadeen) The JUGAAD then comes to your rescue minus the red underwear! 😀 Yeah no superpowers, no flying in the sky, no climbing walls, no breaking bones, its pure talent! The Jugaad guy would then anticipate a series of permutations and combinations to generate the exact cliché. A little here and a bit more there, some tangled wires and some missing files, and BULLS EYE!! The contradictory and skeptical problem is now creeping through the corner, a symbolic representation of your victory. Hail O Jugaad!

Jugaad’s European siblings Hack and Kludge might represent the same idea, but minus the exquisite talent that we have garnered over years. Another interesting fact is that according to Wikipedia, “Jugaad is a locally made motor vehicle that is used mostly in small villages as means of low-cost transportation”. This vehicle is made by carpenters, by fitting a diesel engine on a cart, and that’s the invention. (see the pic). The survival and bon viva instinct of Jugaad has been successfully catering to the different segments of the inquisitive society.

That's the Jugaad

This art of cognitive psychology has also been revered by many politicians during their native off-season issues (Scams, corruption, scandals to name a few). According to Mr. Aiyar, Global management experts attribute India’s rapid economic growth to Jugaad. In a survey by the Legatum Institute, 81% of Indian businessmen said Jugaad was the key reason for their success. And yes, Jugaad is not an invention it’s rather innovation! Key factors that add to the popularity of this art are the very fact that you don’t need to be a great scientist. You can be anyone, a housewife, a plumber, an electrician, a businessman, and yes you can perform all the actions at home. 🙂

It’s a Superman, no it’s a spiderman, no Doberman :D.. Oh no.. It’s a Jugaad!

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