Is adbhut post ko dekhte hi 5 seconds mein like karein, apki barso ki ek ichha zaroor poori hogi
Or
Ladki ki photo ko to 10,000 likes kuch seconds me mil jaate hain, dekhte hain wordpress ke is nakaraa blogger ko kitne likes milte hain.
What a ….tiyapa way to start a blog??
I know…I know!!
But this post comes in after a lot of hair clenching sessions….. when I see my facebook page overburdened with such scavenging posts.
Here’s the payback time! Mera inteqam…. (a 90’s revenge background score)
Well, first of all a big burrrrrrrrpppp on the faces of people in my Phreinds list, who like these posts – inadvertently testing my doctored patience.
And another surplus blast originating from a rather different part of anatomy (if you know what I mean) :D. This terror strike is for the inventors of jhandarfull stuff like this.
Now look at these original posts (word-by-word)
“5 sec ka time nikal ke photo like karo
Comment main jai _______ likho
Share karo aur phir dekho chamatkar”
Yeah yeah : facebook baba chamatkaar (3 idiots wala) ho gaya, meri 3 din pehle chori hui chappal aaj waapis mil gayi. Lagta hai bhagwan ji ke paas SHREE-G connection hai, what a fast response!
Ab main agle 3 din tak roz subah login karke namaskar karunga!
To the face-bhookiya devotee – is god busy doing facebook these days! I know we Indians are religious fools, but this is an extent. If you want miracles to happen, do your karma well!
“Kisi heroine ki photo ko to hazaaro likes mil jaate hain,
Dekhte hain bharat maa ke is jawaan ko kitne like milte hain, comment mai jai hind likh kar share karein
Aaj dekhte hain ki facebook pe kitne deshbhakt hain”
Bhai tujhe kya r..owl ga..dhi ne facebook survey ka theka diya hai! Ya rahaat kosh se chawal churata pakda gaya tha aur ab neta banna chahta hai!
To the face-bhookiya deshbhakt – No likes and comments will give them their due admiration, try not to insult them by using their name for your marketing gimmicks.
Aur haan, angrez to gaye bharaat ko “Scamino” ke naam karke, aur tu ab hame chaen se facebook bhi mat karne diyo!
Now, my “yours sincerely” request to the people who like, comment and share such posts is – Please limit the visibility of such posts if you think that you just cannot miss the facebook Avatars and chamatkaars.
For some” honhaar guys”, I completely understand your failed attempts to impress “that” girl by sharing emotional “maa ka pyaar” aur “aurat ka balidaan” posts. – If you really respect people, you won’t need a show-off!
And yes last but not the least, to the ladies log commenting “AWW” on everything ranging from a screw, a dog, an accident, a tsunami, nail paint, a smiley….a polka dot! – Kya log sach kehte hain, ki jo “Aww” na kare wo “Awwrat” nahi! 😀 😛
P.S: Only fun n pun intended, no offences!
In case you feel offended……….
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My words have reached the right ears! 😉
Agar aap sachhe velle hain to comment mein likhein “Aww”some aur share karein 😀
A spoof of the popular song “Naina Lagiyaan baarishaan”, this poem is dedicated to Mr. Pocket Singh aka Khujli Kumar, a boss’s character who’s outrageously irritating and essentially holds an attitude that hardly befits his qualities, and yes the height too!! … If you too are a victim of a similar idiocy, this is just the poem for you!
Statuory Warning: The wordings are contagious! You may feel an urge to scratch different body parts after reading this.
Pinde pagaiyan kharishaan
Te thuk thuk ke kapde vi phij gaye
Pinde pagiyan Kharishaan
Kutte katde de bhonkde ne sanu vekhke
Pinde pagaiyan kharishaan
Kudiyan navi mere office cha a gayi
Roz nayi ek khujli se
hone lagi hai dosti
Soya rehte hun main office mein,
Karne ko hai kuch bhi nahi
Har pal har lamha,
Main kaise sehta hun
Bina khujaye ek pal bhi
main kaise rehta hun
Mujhe Khuja de-aa—2
Aur phir har jagha ko suja-li-yaa
Sujaa-liyaa
Mujhe Khuja de-aa—2
Kala akshar bhains barabar,
Phir bhi karta hun apni badhai
Clients mujhse puchte hain,
Kuch lete tum kyun ho nahi bhai
Ek ganda sa ye thobra hai,
Us pe gande se main chehre banaun,
Khujaane se bhi main baaj na aoon…
Paida hona tha woh ho gaya
Jo tune thha likha
Mujhe Khuja de-aa—2
2 words English ke sikha tha,
usma bhi “can i TOOK” sa judaa thha,
Took sa main hone laga,
Chavanni sa khone laga
Jaise kuch mera
Tu hi mera liye abb kr dua,
Tu hi is khujli se kar de juda,
Dikhne mein kathha main saada
Main yeh khud se kehta hoon,
Mujhe Khuja de-aa—
Aur phir har jagha ko suja-di-yaa
Sujaa-diyaa
Of late, some colleagues have realized that I am a writer!
While people doubt my competency over words saying “Exams mein toh hum bhi writer ban jaate hai, nayi baat bata” (During exams even we become imaginatively advanced writers, what good are you for! 🙂 😛
Exams! How imaginative those three hours used to be for me, especially in the case of social studies….what long stories!
Some of my constipated writings, which strived hard to make the impact 😉
Constipation of a writer
Question 1: In which year did Columbus discovered America, illustrate the discovery!
Answer:Columbus discovered America somewhere between the years 1620 – 1630…. The fact that America’s too vast to be discovered in a year, historians have suggested a liberative estimate. Columbus started his voyage from southern Greece, which at that time was known as ancient Mesopotamia! Since his birth he had this urge to discover things, at the age of 3 he discovered his name was Columbus! Subsequently, he also discovered that 9 came after 8 and that sky is blue and roses are red.
My teacher thrashed me and called me a HISTORY SHEATER… 🙂
Question 2: Describe the advantages and relevance of Steppes Farming.
Answer: Steppes is one of the more popular farming across southern Asia as they follow a step-by-step policy towards the “Developed Countries Group”. Another reason is that people are health conscious and want to exercise while farming collectively. This is also one reason that China and Japan lead the Olympic medal race almost constantly. Steppes is also known as TERRACE FARMING, and therefore people is the southern Asian region water the terraces with harvested rain water. Terrace farming is also known as terror farming in certain regions (Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq etc.).
Note for Examiner: While I know that my knowledge of the subject is deep, I expect at least a 9/10 for this answer.
When this answer was disclosed to my principal, she was instinctively determined to throw me off her bungalow’s terrace. 😛
While I still live to tell the story, I will continue back to the topic “Constipation of a writer”!
I’ve seen many people associate writers in their back of their mind as “a puffy eyed nerd, ideally wearing specs, somewhat poor earning fella whose diet comprises of cigarettes, tea/ coffee, or both, a mild alcoholic maybe….and as lost as a sand grain in the Pacific Ocean!
Interestingly people associate similar things (cigarette, coffee and tea) to a constipate who fails to flush down plum desires… More interestingly there are similar things for a writer, but the other way round!
A writer needs to flush his thoughts out of his mind for maybe some creative purpose (for a moment, please forget that I am a writer 😀 )!
Sutta
I’ve seen managers gathering for a 5 minute “Sutta break” (sutta = cigarette) to discuss an issue that is bothering their obedient lives and sledging the boardroom knives. What do I see? A creepy issue that had the usually sophisticated managers pulling their hair apart in the long MEETING hours, does a juggle through the smoke rings, and bang comes the solution!
Similarly, it’s a cup of tea or coffee that works for the people whose teeth titter by a fortune forecast image on the cigarette packs. Or may be their family doctors suggest that the body seems unfamiliar with lungs…
For some, it’s the conscience of salvaging the best of both worlds! 🙂 Coffee n cigarette…hallelujah!
I think the concept is, it’s just not the WRITER, the STRATEGIST or the THINKER, it is anybody and everybody who thinks a cup of coffee or tobacco incense is the solution.
That is it; it’s just a herd of constipated thinkers, and not just the constipation of a writer!
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What!
It’s over buddy… (Seems, my writing is addictive, and you just can’t stop banging your head over empty space) 🙂
The title seems interesting eh! Given the fact that Kolaveri has gone viral, this might go influenza. One reason why I chose this name is for a marketing gimmick, and I’ll be candid about it! 🙂
The other reason being the Phunny English, weird words and flop songs involved 😛
Frankly speaking the title seems absurd and outwardly stupid, and I have no qualms in accepting that I was testing my nerdy symptoms here.
Now getting back to the point, what the hell is the post about?
Well I have had a bad day or even better a frustrating day, and this post is an outpour of my pseudo-intellect parallelism (don’t bother understanding this, it’s just something absurd).
I have this habit, whenever I feel infuriated; I want to laugh out loud at thisworld, myself, sneaky neighbors, constipate-faced bosses, and almost everybody!
Will start with some excellent English verbatim by a P.T teacher (shared by one of my fry-ends)
There is no wind in the football – Because wind is in the air buddy!
I talk, he talk, Why you middle talk? – In the middle of know-where!
You rotate the ground four times – Must be Rajnikanth…mind it! (see the connect 😉 )
You go ‘n understnd the tree – Be eco –friendly dude!
I’ll give you clap – For clap-tivating performance!
Bring your parents with Your Mom ‘n Dad – Applicable only for westerners!
Form a straight circle – With a curved scale!
Open the window let the atmosphere come in – Inhale the wind in air!
The other thing I am gonna blabber about is the changing genre of Bollywood songs. It all started with “Beedi” and now it seems like everybody’s going foolhardy over songs that originated from truck drivers, rehab folks and dingy streets. Last evening, I heard this song “Pauwa laga ke ayi, chikni chameli”! I mean the lyrics are so mess-merizing that you just can’t help pulling off your shoe (yes, even when your socks stink!).
The creativity seems to be taking a new high every second, from See-la ki Jawani, Munni ki bad-naami, Chaalu ke thoo-mke and bhatt not! I imagine next would be something like this:
Champa chatori leke katori
Rangili puspa
Besaram bijuria katili nazaria
Adhia lagake pallu ghumake
I know…I know I should stop here…. you’ve been very patient all this while, and I don’t want to go to the dentist this weekend! 😀
So keep your cool, take a deep breath and smile! 🙂
The motto of this post! Nothing… just wanted to start this year with smiles… No offence intended!
A pinch of curiosity might have trickled your drainage via the title… Well actually, I have been thinking of penning down this titillating post since quite a while now, but time constraints you know!
P.S: the above line is mentioned just to highlight the Beeziness of the protagonist here (or antagonist maybe)
On a solemn note, I would like to bring to your kind notice that I have been spammed with an overwhelmed amount of emails, messages and calls. (You guessed it right, I just wrote a leave application to my boss before writing this)
SPAMMED!
From iPhone in 3 Rs, to some girl wanting to meet me, and a guy in the UK lottery department notifying me that I have just been declared a billionaire (Given the fact that I don’t even know how many zeroes are there in this figure, this is ridiculous!), I have been ruthlessly spammed. The interesting part is that I even got some messages confirming the aforesaid financial improvidence of mine. Something like this!!
“This is to inform you that you have won a prize money of Ninety five Thousand Pounds (GBP95, 000.00) for the 2011 Online International E-mail Draw which was Organized by Coca-Cola Company of UK. All participants were selected through a Computer Balloting System drawn from Two Hundred Thousand E-mail Addresses”
and i thought I’ve been unlucky! 😮
While the so called “Spam” did fooled my buoyancy couple of years back, (being a billionaire, and some beautiful, fair, 5’7 girl wanting to talk to me “Mujhse dosti karoge” types) the repeated bludgeoning of my wombed patience has given birth to the SPAMasura – the anti-spam man! (no flashy underwear, webbed costume or a sword for that matter) Asura coz this is Kalyuga…Yo!! 😛
SPAMasura can be anyone who’s a NO-ONE and wants to be a SOME-ONE! He is the answer to the frustration and quandary of the crowd bombarded with blatant looking marriage proposals, million dollar inventions, and Flat kharido – chamach jeeto offers every day!
Talking about marriage proposals, a friend of mine barely escaped a shock-hemorrhage when SHE read this email.
Hi there SWEETY, this is Nina, a Model from Mumbai, i saw your profile online and would be interested for a courtship. I’m 27 years, 5′ 7”, A FUN-LOVING, attention-seeking & a pampered GIRL I believe, for a fruitful life together, you have to be connected by heart… I am sure once we meet, we’ll be GOOD TO MARRY!!
ooolala!
Another interesting story, as told by my friend: He got an email from some African girl narrating the incident of how her father’s death led the relatives to conspire her killing for the X billion dollars that she inherited. And then she wanted him to help her settle in India, and arrange for the stay here in lieu of 50% of the Inherited will! Holla if you hear me!
Happily ever after
She mailed her a photograph (obviously pretty-2), and they communicated almost daily via emails… Everything seemed to be in “happily ever after” lineage until my friend finally found her to be a big burly Nigerian operating in Delhi! 😮 😀
The Nigerian must have definitely seen a Bollywood movie otherwise who uses such pathetically monotonous ideas! you bad MAMBA JAMBA! 😛
A thought of marrying the massive Nigerian just tousled shivers down his spine… (Don’t run yer imaginations people)
Burp before you BEEP! 😀 😛
There are so many other SPAMS, which I cannot mention here just for the sake of my innocent readers… :p (try running yer imaginations here) 😉
I am sure someone, somewhere might have been getting SPAMMED! (Shahrukh style) 🙂
Do share your experience, we might see a part -2, kyunki “Hum Spam Kar Chuke Sanam 😉
This is my way to sign in to another nerve clenching episode of Maar Daala O-s(hy)ama – part 2 (just making sure it sounds interesting!)
So the characters: Me (the victim), Shyama (or verbal Osama) and Sudhir (Mr. Cunning) at the Chinese Restaurant in CP.
Flashback:
“It was around 2 when we reached CP, and then Lunch time! We went to a Chinese Restaurant, and then the menu with tongue twisting names was next on my Foe’s list. I was hungry and going bananas, but my dear friend was busy fiddling with the item names.”
Continued..
We had to decide something quick and I gave blank stares to Sudhir! Finally after half hour of pinnacle, we finally ordered something! While they were galloping the dish names, I could just put my finger across the item name.
Maar Daala O-s(hy)ama
Sudhir ordered Manchurian with some meatballs, while the latter ordered cheese Momos and mushrooms. I decided to order honey chilly potato with some fillers (Mouth watering already!).
While we were waiting for “the gorge”, Mr. Shyama was sharing his expert opinions about the evolution behind the “Chinese food”… “Look dude Chinese names me hamesha Chow aur Chi zaroor hota hai, aise hi unki dishes mein (there are always words like Chow or Chi in Chinese names, similar thing applies to the cuisine) like CHOWmein, manCHOWrian, CHIlly patato, etc… We had some good bemused stares from the people around, and I was already imagining the cook doing his Kung-Fu practice on Shyama.
The food was here finally, and the attendant gave him a stern gaze. But, as undeterred and super intellect he was, couldn’t refrain from his absolute stance. He wanted to eat in “proper Chinese style” to show off his laurels, and asked the attendant to get CHOPSTICKS! “We don’t have chopsticks here sir, people rarely use it”, the attendant replied, trying to be courteous. Arre, how can you say “we don’t have it” Shyama was at his irritating best, and Sudhir was snooping!
After some good verbal arguments, they finally got him the chopsticks! Those chopsticks ate 40 more minutes from my already starved appetite. It was 3.30pm when I finally started with my lunch, and that too was on stake! The fillers were good, and the Chilly potatoes were sending shivers down with the extra spice, but never mind it was a breather for me (or so I thought!)
Mr Shyama on the other hand was picking up with the art of “Chopsticks”, along the first piece laden with sauce and a swollen pride! On the way to his mouth even the mushroom was terrified of that territory, and there it slipped out of his chopstick and landed right on my face and then on my shirt (as if crying for help). I could for once forgive him for sauce on my face, but not for the big red blot on my favorite Levi’s shirt… I stood up and almost shouted something. But then I realized it would just waste the whole ordeal, and I was back to my chair.
For the next 40 minutes he was babbling and murmuring, but thankfully he couldn’t speak much! We left the restaurant around 4.15 pm. Roaming around, we went shopping into nooks and corners, and every time Mr. Shyama had his “EXCERPT OPINIONS”! While in Palika Bazaar, he caught hold of a salesman calling “Italian Leather Sir, genuine leather belt, only Rs. 2300 Sir”
Italian leather
“Sharm aani chahiye tujhe, kya milta hai masum janwaron ko maar ke! Aur wo bhi Italian janwaron ko!” (Shame on you for killing innocent animals, that too Italian) His hands caught the salesman’s collar, and I was sure we’ll be beaten black and blue now The terrorist in Os(hy)ama was at full swing!!
“Abe kahan se aya hai” salesman said, while Sudhir himself felt embarrassed this time, he was talking to the salesman to let go. But Mr. Shyama – “Narak Bhogega tu” (you’ll go to hell)! And then there were people watching the free premiere accompanied by a herd of other shopkeepers who joined in to support the salesman.
Now I was bound not to speak, and Sudhir was handling this stuff. Those little frowns on his face were soothing to soul! Things were going out of proportions, and then Sudhir took the salesman to a corner and said “Yaar iska thora problem hai, tragedy hui thi uski saath, jaane de dost” (friend he’s got some problems in life, please don’t mind)
But then the salesman was loud enough “To isko baandh ke rakho na”, and I could hear mumbles of laughter. Finally, after a lot of persuasion the storm settled, it was already 6’0 clock and we were heading back home.
This time the bus was better (only in a way that there was breathing space at least) and my foremost concern was getting a seat for Rajesh ASAP, I was pretty tired and another scuffle was just a big NO.
15 minutes into the drive, and he got a seat next to a chirpy old man… They started talking about old days and Shyama was quite hyper proving that the new generation is lot better than the oldies.
Another grueling session was on the cards, with the old man a step ahead in proving his points. Things went awry and they were now shouting at the top of their voices with gestures referring to other passengers who were already having a good time. Some smirks, some giggles and whispers followed every comment.
But I wasn’t much bothered now, or maybe coz the watch was telling me “it’s 7.15 dude, couple of more minutes and you’ll be enjoying a grand dinner at the TAJ”. The tension was now shifting its base to Mr. Sudhir, with frown lines clearly visible on his adulterated face.
Nevertheless, we reached home at around 7.40, and I was almost there. It was an overstretched day, so I decided to take a shower while Sudhir and Shyama discussed things. A good long show was what the cerebellum ordered to avoid last-minute complications, I did just that!
The Clock struck 7.55, and I was back into the room, holding back my smile. Sudhir had a wicked reaction (quite unusual to the situation), and Shyama was silent! Something had gone horribly wrong…
I looked at Sudhir with puzzled eyes, and then to Shyama, I could see my laptop lying beneath him! And then my worst fears came true, “Yaar galti se maine tera SYSTEM FORMAT kar diya”… A lightning struck me, it had all the data that was damn crucial, my office projects, my unfinished novel, colossal torrents, and above all the “My next week presentation”!
I fiddled through the laptop with a faint hope only to find that all the drives were formatted! It was BRAND NEW now! Blood rushed through my veins onto my head I caught hold of Shyama and punched his face with a fierce potential.
The volcano of words swept over, I almost wilted a whole paragraph of undermined abuses in a single go! Sudhir’s wicked grin was back again…
I was relieved, but then I lost the deal within a matter of 5 minutes!
“You promised yourself to not talk to anyone for 12 hours. But after 11 hours and 55 minutes you could not take it anymore, and ended up shouting out”. Here’s how and why!
Wednesday morning came as a surprise for me, just got up on the wrong side of bed and found one of the most irritating characters standing in front of me.
Shyam Vinayak (nicknamed Shyama) has been notoriously popular in the friend circle for his unruly and irritatingly foolhardy behavior. He carries a certain allure that makes even the most dignified and societal creatures to blurt out like maniacs!
Imagine yourself, waking up in the morning and finding yourself right into the perpetual set of “Bheja Fry”! I’ll tell u that’s just too scary!
Morning blues
“Hey Shyam, what are you doing at my place that too early morning??” I exclaimed, citing what’s going on! “ Arre kuch nae yaar main bus aise he kahin jaa raha tha aur tera ghar raste mein tha, to socha mil lun”! (I would have sued the Civil Engineer for this misplacement of my home!!)
“U’ll have tea or coffee” I said, getting back to the conversation! “Two Coffees, a cream bun and maybe some paranthas would do” he was almost fixative there!
“Now what’s with 2 cuppa coffe”, was my prompt reply! Dude Sudhir bhi aaya hai, he’s waiting out there! (Sudhir, an ad maker who cherished some strange satisfaction in making people suffer) Here he was in the living room, to fetch happiness out of my life!
Good morning Sudhir, how’ve you been? That’s a (un)pleasant surprise (hidden feelings) “ Nothing much was just thinking of a new Ad concept actually, so thought to catch up with you guys to discuss” – a pre-empted reply it was, and I could smell trouble trailing the day!
“That’s interesting” I said vehemently, what’s the concept all about? “Something distinct yet similar” he exclaimed grabbing a chair! I am working on a scenario wherein you have to take the challenge of keeping mum for justhalf-a-day in favor of a grand dinner at “The Taj”. (The deal was too sumptuous to resist)
Seems fun, but what’s the catch?? I was impromptu… Well it goes like: “You have to keep the silence going, with a person of my choice!! There was a strange shrewd crimp in his voice, which I didn’t figure out then. “That’s pretty easy!” I told myself, not sensing the danger!! “Alright buddy, let’s start with me, what say??” I was anticipating a positive reply!
Sudhir readily agreed and said “ok your time starts now, and there’s NO U-TURN here” a wicked grin made me nervous upfront. He then turned to Shyama and said “You’ll have to accompany him the whole day”!
Bwaha! I was trapped, should’ve sensed the danger, but it was too late to back off! The breakfast ended with a lot of whining around the distinctive taste buds. (And yes the characteristic talks of Mr. Shyama)
Star Wars
Then came some DVD’s (Needed something to survive a day with this mental Tsunami!) The bet started at 8 in the morning, and it was around 10 a.m that we starting watching movies. With star wars being the first one showcased, I was bombarded with some mind-boggling questions like, why’s this spaceship not rectangular! Don’t they feel suffocated in those attires?? Why are the stars themselves not fighting! Why are stars like what they are! What if moon and sun interrupt the STAR WARS, what eclipse it would be and blah blah! I somehow survived those two ODD hours…PHEW!!
Those infuriating gaffes made me feel like a “Fish without water”, but with an uncanny valor, i faced those blows like a defiant warrior!
It was 12 now and we thought to explore things on a driveway, and there we were… three of us in the pinching and effervescently shining sunlight! Junes make things worse for you, especially in Delhi, where the sun rays pierce through your skin, unbuttoning heap of sweat and frustration. For me things were a double whammy, with Mr. Sun and Mr. Shyama, equating a well-defined persecute.
Half past twelve (afternoon), we were waiting for bus no. 836. Satish was accompanying us with his treacherous Hawk Eye! “Thankfully AC buses fall in this route and at least heat would spare my day”, I told myself! But, then maybe it was bound to be a horrifying day…DTC Strike!!! Now what we could manage was a rickety, overcrowded minibus, and given a height of 6 feet it was BANG-BANG!!
The radio played an old pathetic hindi number “atariya pe lotan kabootar”, and this Mithun fan lived up to the spirit! Ambitious whistling around and high-pitched audio rehearsal with an blemished urge to dance! Blemished because, the “Pan Masalas” were doing their bit by occasional showers from the fellow passengers. Then, i don’t know why, the seat next to the driver was vacant, and our very own “Sample” got control of it.
And then, the driver went out of control!
Driver saab
He started gaining breath, and we (me and the driver) started losing temper! “How long have you been into this profession bhaiya! how much do you earn, for how long you can drive in a go?? Are you married?? what’s the maximum speed this bus can achieve??” For once, we almost brushed past an accident! I wanted to shout, but i couldn’t…
Sudhir was loving it, i could sense that from his expressions!
The next thing i remember was some very polite “Haryanviabuses” stabbing the eardrums for 15 continuous minutes. For a moment, i thought i would witness “Street Fighter – part5“, but as i mentioned “a bad day“, Mr. torture wasn’t somehow in “Blue of health“!
It was around 2 when we reached CP, and then Lunch time! We went to a Chinese Restaurant, and then the menu with tongue twisting names was next on my Foe’s list. I was hungry and going bananas, but my dear friend was busy fiddling with the item names.
What happened next??? Well that would be coming soon in Maar daala O-S(hy)ama (Part2)
Stay tuned to this space, and do lemme know how’s my first ” SO CALLED STORY”!
Yes the peoples, don’t startle your mind, this blog is about the human species which make engliss “a phunny language”!! 😀 Of late, I have seen many people taking this foreign repository to unimaginable heights. This blog post is dedicated to some of the most introspective and (Un)conceptual English blue poppers 😀
Read On!!
P.S: This blog is NOT a work of fiction, and is just for some good clean fun! No Offence Intended 🙂
Now that I am done with the “Statuary Warning” lets “HIC IT” 🙂
Quacker
With some of my professional excursions, I have come across a variety of mind squandering formal way of communication that justifies your absence from “Office Swe(a)t Office” 😉 Yup that’s right, I am talking about leave applications 🙂
Here are some
“Since I have to go to my town to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.” – Really!
Another gem! Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding: “As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave.” – oops!!
“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.” – Look how responsible you are 😀
Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: “Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave” – May the soul rest in piece 😀
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.” – PM calling!!
Covering note: “Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…” – a dirty referral! 😛
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave” – No Bigamy allowed sir! 🙂
Guess those were not enough! 😛 Here’s a candidate’s job application:
“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both (Insert a thunderclap here) for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.
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SMOKIN!! 😀 😉
Open and closed
A friend of mine who’s been taking some interviews of late, helped me compile these tongue babbling “masterpieces”
“I am 2 design 2 option for you and i am wait good reply to your side”
“I have 1 year of experience in out bound proses.”
“The design is with some circle design to to as logo is also little round” – what goes in comes a-round 😉
“I am very punctual in making time “ – Contact soon for the time machine!
“It was the talli sells marketing – Hic Hic!! 😛
“To link my self with a reputed intuition for being dependable candidate of it for my future and to prove my efficiency…” – Friend you’ve done that!
Some more…
“It was an unexpected surprise when a pair of baby twins was born at 12 midnight”!! – a twin surprise indeed!
If you give me a chance, I can put my best effort to your entire organization. I hope you have a very favorably reply. – I can bet on that 😀
Joining after interview : soon as soon possible!! – WOW!! 🙂
Pls Revert Me as soon as Possible and Sorry for that mail the late project because We Have Some Critical problems. – Very Critical indeed 😀
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These bungled gaffes are irrespective of your country, age, gender, and Blah Blah! With a common interface of “the urge to innovate and astonish” 😉
For the closing I would rather say that “All’s well that ends in a well” 😛 😀
It’s been a fantastic week so far, some good remunerations and one of my posts being the “Editor’s Choice” at BlogJunta Polls. SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS! 😀 Anyway moving forward, here’s another smoldering episode of “Ads that make No(N) Sense”! 🙂 While the last blog got some good response, let’s see if we can make things more interesting here. What Nonsense??
We’ll start off with the “cola” advertisements where people hang to the cliff, jump buildings, perform acrobatics, run against the cars, and entourage swashbuckling stunts only to get a can of cold drink…. Phew “That wasn’t easy”!! 😮 Specially the ones with Akshaye Kumar and the competitor Sprite ads in “Cola War”, while poking fun at each other! Another advertisement i remember, where the dialogue was “ Don’t do yahan, do wahan jhadi ke piche” taking over mountain dew 😛 Crackling nuts! 😀
And here comes this MTR Idli masala ad that most of us might not have even seen, it takes you to the good old epic days with arrows of power dwindling across only to end up with a hilarious end. The warrior who was till now struggling with his tug of war, suddenly comes up with this Rava Idli arrow to bamboozle his opponent and his army for the lusty food 😛 Man, oh man u gotta watch this to believe!!
As my friend Lalit mentioned in the first part “Amul Lassi was just absence of creative team”. Well, it surely was! Absolutely no sync in the theme and the ad content! A couple in the park with lassi, and they start flying with the epitomes of a frozen heart. This feels more like the 90’s movies, white dress, stars flying and oh so love in the air! Despicably awesome!!
Another one to go down would be the Colgate active salt “kya apke toothpaste mein namak hai!” The scenario goes like this, a guy’s on his way in an airplane and he picks up something only to find that his teeth are not made of enamel (OMG!). Thus, the scene de riguers a reporter coming out of the clouds, concealingly notching up another “Breaking News” O My god “apke toothpaste mein namak nahi hai!” 🙂 🙂 (can i have some rat kills please!)
Total baseless squadron of “awfully creative” advertisements! There are definitely lot of them, but even humans have a boiling point you see! 😀 😛 Feeling sleepy (Yawn!), signing off!! ADIOS
Now from where does that topic comes, well it was indeed a case of observatory tumor! (Tumor for the part of observation which can be interestingly proliferated) Anyways, I’ve not been writing for a while due to tight schedules (feels like corporate ain’t it!), but this topic was surely somewhere down the attic. Most of us are directly or indirectly familiarized with the device called “Idiot Box”, and I guess it is rightly named so!
From the good old “ Doordarshan” times, there have been various advertisements which are running along Junta’s favorite serials only for us to say “Yaar 5 min ka program or 15 min ki ad!!”. 🙂 Some advertisements are good enough to emboss us with “aahaa” moments, while the others leave us gasping for breath. 😀 The most recent and a contemporary stakeholder for the worst TV ads is the JK Cement ad, where a bikini clad lady emerges out from the sea. Now, how on the earth can you relate this advertisement to a Cement brand, total shambles!! 😮
The next worst thing could definitely be Aman verma’s toilet cleaning ads, man ‘o’ man I bet it makes your meals tough, by zooming in and out eeeks!! You’ve gotta have a strong heart to deal with those. Also competing close are the fairness cream ones in which the guy goes to girls hostel for stealing fairness cream with a background lullaby “Hi Handsome Hi Handsome”. This jingle is so irritating to the ears, and not to mention the dialogues “Shahrukh na sahi, handsome to koi bhi ban sakta hai” 😀 😀 LOL
Another one worth mentioning would be the Pan Masala ads, which are the self acclaimed pride of India. Now I am unsure of pride, but the red army have unusually creative streak in making some of the most bizarre modern art edifices on Indian streets. Their sheer understanding of color combination (yellow teeth, red walls, and pale bladders) has been an encouraging factor for the carcinogenic campaign. The other interesting Pan Masala advertisement is the one depicting the guy solving complicated mathematics problem with the help of “Beetel Intelligentsia”. I wish I knew this technique earlier, I would have surely been there at Oxford University 😛
Well for the rest of the part, I’ll have to gather more courage! 😀 Till then enjoy this, while I come up with another smoldering episode of “Ads that make no(N)Sense” 😛 :D, and yes please come up with some suggestions for the next part 🙂 Adios!!
