So, hope you guys had a good long weekend! 😀
This is my way to sign in to another nerve clenching episode of Maar Daala O-s(hy)ama – part 2 (just making sure it sounds interesting!)
So the characters: Me (the victim), Shyama (or verbal Osama) and Sudhir (Mr. Cunning) at the Chinese Restaurant in CP.
“It was around 2 when we reached CP, and then Lunch time! We went to a Chinese Restaurant, and then the menu with tongue twisting names was next on my Foe’s list. I was hungry and going bananas, but my dear friend was busy fiddling with the item names.”
We had to decide something quick and I gave blank stares to Sudhir! Finally after half hour of pinnacle, we finally ordered something! While they were galloping the dish names, I could just put my finger across the item name.
Sudhir ordered Manchurian with some meatballs, while the latter ordered cheese Momos and mushrooms. I decided to order honey chilly potato with some fillers (Mouth watering already!).
While we were waiting for “the gorge”, Mr. Shyama was sharing his expert opinions about the evolution behind the “Chinese food”… “Look dude Chinese names me hamesha Chow aur Chi zaroor hota hai, aise hi unki dishes mein (there are always words like Chow or Chi in Chinese names, similar thing applies to the cuisine) like CHOWmein, manCHOWrian, CHIlly patato, etc… We had some good bemused stares from the people around, and I was already imagining the cook doing his Kung-Fu practice on Shyama.
The food was here finally, and the attendant gave him a stern gaze. But, as undeterred and super intellect he was, couldn’t refrain from his absolute stance. He wanted to eat in “proper Chinese style” to show off his laurels, and asked the attendant to get CHOPSTICKS! “We don’t have chopsticks here sir, people rarely use it”, the attendant replied, trying to be courteous. Arre, how can you say “we don’t have it” Shyama was at his irritating best, and Sudhir was snooping!
After some good verbal arguments, they finally got him the chopsticks! Those chopsticks ate 40 more minutes from my already starved appetite. It was 3.30pm when I finally started with my lunch, and that too was on stake! The fillers were good, and the Chilly potatoes were sending shivers down with the extra spice, but never mind it was a breather for me (or so I thought!)
Mr Shyama on the other hand was picking up with the art of “Chopsticks”, along the first piece laden with sauce and a swollen pride! On the way to his mouth even the mushroom was terrified of that territory, and there it slipped out of his chopstick and landed right on my face and then on my shirt (as if crying for help). I could for once forgive him for sauce on my face, but not for the big red blot on my favorite Levi’s shirt… I stood up and almost shouted something. But then I realized it would just waste the whole ordeal, and I was back to my chair.
For the next 40 minutes he was babbling and murmuring, but thankfully he couldn’t speak much! We left the restaurant around 4.15 pm. Roaming around, we went shopping into nooks and corners, and every time Mr. Shyama had his “EXCERPT OPINIONS”! While in Palika Bazaar, he caught hold of a salesman calling “Italian Leather Sir, genuine leather belt, only Rs. 2300 Sir”
“Sharm aani chahiye tujhe, kya milta hai masum janwaron ko maar ke! Aur wo bhi Italian janwaron ko!” (Shame on you for killing innocent animals, that too Italian) His hands caught the salesman’s collar, and I was sure we’ll be beaten black and blue now
The terrorist in Os(hy)ama was at full swing!!
“Abe kahan se aya hai” salesman said, while Sudhir himself felt embarrassed this time, he was talking to the salesman to let go. But Mr. Shyama – “Narak Bhogega tu” (you’ll go to hell)! And then there were people watching the free premiere accompanied by a herd of other shopkeepers who joined in to support the salesman.
Now I was bound not to speak, and Sudhir was handling this stuff. Those little frowns on his face were soothing to soul! Things were going out of proportions, and then Sudhir took the salesman to a corner and said “Yaar iska thora problem hai, tragedy hui thi uski saath, jaane de dost” (friend he’s got some problems in life, please don’t mind)
But then the salesman was loud enough “To isko baandh ke rakho na”, and I could hear mumbles of laughter. Finally, after a lot of persuasion the storm settled, it was already 6’0 clock and we were heading back home.
This time the bus was better (only in a way that there was breathing space at least) and my foremost concern was getting a seat for Rajesh ASAP, I was pretty tired and another scuffle was just a big NO.
15 minutes into the drive, and he got a seat next to a chirpy old man… They started talking about old days and Shyama was quite hyper proving that the new generation is lot better than the oldies.
Another grueling session was on the cards, with the old man a step ahead in proving his points. Things went awry and they were now shouting at the top of their voices with gestures referring to other passengers who were already having a good time. Some smirks, some giggles and whispers followed every comment.
But I wasn’t much bothered now, or maybe coz the watch was telling me “it’s 7.15 dude, couple of more minutes and you’ll be enjoying a grand dinner at the TAJ”. The tension was now shifting its base to Mr. Sudhir, with frown lines clearly visible on his adulterated face.
Nevertheless, we reached home at around 7.40, and I was almost there. It was an overstretched day, so I decided to take a shower while Sudhir and Shyama discussed things. A good long show was what the cerebellum ordered to avoid last-minute complications, I did just that!
The Clock struck 7.55, and I was back into the room, holding back my smile. Sudhir had a wicked reaction (quite unusual to the situation), and Shyama was silent! Something had gone horribly wrong…
I looked at Sudhir with puzzled eyes, and then to Shyama, I could see my laptop lying beneath him! And then my worst fears came true, “Yaar galti se maine tera SYSTEM FORMAT kar diya”… A lightning struck me, it had all the data that was damn crucial, my office projects, my unfinished novel, colossal torrents, and above all the “My next week presentation”!
I fiddled through the laptop with a faint hope only to find that all the drives were formatted! It was BRAND NEW now! Blood rushed through my veins onto my head I caught hold of Shyama and punched his face with a fierce potential.
The volcano of words swept over, I almost wilted a whole paragraph of undermined abuses in a single go! Sudhir’s wicked grin was back again…
I was relieved, but then I lost the deal within a matter of 5 minutes!